Saying Goodbye

In 2002, I was back in Texas and trying to be the best mom i could. Hailey was two and we were living back with my mom. One day I received an odd letter from my grandfather. It wasnt Christmas time yet, in fact it was summer. But he was telling us Merry Christmas, and how he had turned his life to God. Now as I told you before my grandpa was very special to me, but he was a grouch. Not one that you would have ever thought, would turn to God. The letter said that he loved me and Hailey very much. Inside was a heart-shaped locket.  2 days after i received that letter, i got a call from my dad. Hailey and i were outside playing in the pool and had just came back inside. My dad tried to break the news as easy as he could. My grandpa had committed suicide and had shot hisself in the head. I fell to my knees. I couldn’t stand, i couldn’t move. The man who had shown me so much live, the only man in my life Who made me feel so special was gone. I never even got to say Goodbye. Hailey had never met my grandpa so she was not affected. But me….well i took it hard. I ended up going into a doctor and having to be put on high dosed depression medication. I immediately flew back to Oregon. I met my dad’s side of the family at the lake where my uncles ashes also were. We went to the spot and spread his ashes. After we had spread his ashes, i took the locket off my neck and hung it on a nail that was on an old fence post. I couldnt belive he was gone. I can still hear his voice and see his smile. Sometimes i even get to hug his neck in my dreams.  I have felt Very empty since i lost my grandpa.  A piece of me was gone when he left.  There was no one to love that pumpkin seed and more, and to be honest that pumpkin withered and died when he left.